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How Stress Set me Free
Oby Bamidele

I was recently asked to speak at a women’s event on the topic of stress and anxiety. Ironically, as I prepared my presentation, I was left thinking “woah, this message is about me!” 

I had become so used to living a stress filled life, that the symptoms were starting to seem normal. Over the past couple of months I had complained to friends, family and colleagues about my poor quality of sleep, always waking up at 3 am and unable to fall back asleep until 5 am. Not to mention the unexplainable buzzing and whirring noise in my head, which I likened to a computer processor that refused to switch off! If only I had a control - alt- delete button. Imagine how irritable and exhausted I felt.

The word stress is commonly used these days to convey everyday strains, hassles and inconveniences, to the extent that we may overlook its severity. The other day my daughter cried out “Mummy I am so stressed!” after a few minutes spent tidying her room. Whilst some stress is good and needed to keep us motivated, energised and productive, negative stress or distress is no joke and can be damaging to our mental and physical health.

An article I read described stress as ” your mind and body’s response or reaction to a real or imagined threat. The word “threat” struck me. Picture an intruder breaking into your house and setting off the alarm (hoping you have one). In this picture, stress would be the alarm bell, responding to the intruder, the threat (also known as a stressor).  Thinking of stress in this way was a real eye opener for me and made me reflect on my own situation. What threat had I experienced or imagined enough for my body to sound off warning bells, waking me up at 3 o’clock on the dot every morning. What was my stressor? Unfortunately the mystery wasn’t so easily solved. My intruder was much slicker, donning camouflage gear, well disguised and hidden.

Whilst the experience of loss, tragedy or change can be intensely traumatic and difficult to overcome, we can clearly identify external stressors. The more tricky ones to identify are the internals – our thoughts, beliefs and fears – which are unseen and often unfamiliar. They lurk, fester and pester us. We usually need space and time to explore, process and delve deeper into recesses of our minds. 

Effective therapy or coaching can be particularly useful to access blocked or stuck emotions. Some people are able to gain clarity and insight through their own introspection, mindfulness and self-awareness. However, many of us do neither, soldiering through and carrying our symptoms of stress on our shoulder until they become part of daily life. .  When we let ourselves become desensitised to the effects of stress, we can easily become dismissive of the serious impact it can have  often even trivialising it. I recall situations where people have rolled their eyes at news of colleagues being signed off for stress, implying that the distressed person was either taking liberties or was weak. 

As a therapist and coach, I know well enough that stress induced mental health problems are on the rise! What I am learning through my own process with myself and my clients, is that in these modern times, stress is an indication of something deeper.  If I could summarise my many conversations on this topic down to a few words it would be “more” and “not enough”.  We seem to be living in a world of ‘More’ –  striving for more; attaining more; achieving more; comparison to gain more and competing for more. Perhaps we are confusing our high demands and perfectionist standards with excellence, which only expands our insatiable appetite, causing us to put more pressure on ourselves to keep doing more so that one day we will be “enough”. Author and Researcher Brené Brown brilliantly explores this scarcity and never enough mentality in her books “Daring Greatly” and “The Gifts of Imperfection”. The quote below is my daily reminder that my being enough is not dependent on how much I have or do.

I can’t help but feel that our desire for more is perpetuated by our limitless access to information on demand, causing such an overload to our brains, that we struggle to keep up or switch off. This was certainly true for me as I realised how much of my time was spent consuming and absorbing information, whether it was for work and business, or leisure and recreation purposes. 

I believe that stress is our body’s response to the cries of our soul and spirit for a much needed re-balance and re-alignment when we have gone off course and we are no longer listening intuitively. Yet, we resist this by keeping extremely busy and in auto function mode. his raises a few questions.. .Is it that we don’t want to listen and if so, why? Or is it that we don’t know how to listen? Food for thought…

Whether or not we agree on the root causes, what is of most importance is to acknowledge and recognise the severity of stress and the detrimental effects it can have on our health, if we don’t take heed. If we keep resisting our bodies will eventually have no choice but to do it for us. if you don’t take care, you’re just waiting for your body to burn out.  We must pay attention to the early signals before they become into loud ringing alarm bells. In doing so,  it is possible to recognise our own individual stress triggers and look after ourselves more successfully.

If you are experiencing stress, I hope that my acronym below will help to kick start your recovery process as it did mine. 

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Oby Bamidele

Oby Bamidele is a psychotherapist (BACP & NCP) coach and speaker. She is passionate about helping women get unstuck, building great emotional health so that they can thrive in life.

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